Sacrifices...
Sometimes, we take decisions trying to follow those "dreams" we've had for all our life. Normally, these decisions come with sacrifices (which I'll refer as "talents", just to make a small reference to O. Butler) we have to take in order to follow them. But sometimes, is a thin line between which one is more important to us, either the "dream" we are chasing, or what we are leaving behind because of that.
I've got to that point. For a long time, I didn't feel like I needed things to confront each other. Perhaps, I think now, was the fact that I really didn't think there was something at risk. I had taken those "talents", which I know are very important for me, for granted, and thought that will always be there. But now things are different, and I'm not very sure about all that anymore.
The truth is, that is not a very recent issue, it has been around my head for a while already. As I said, what has become the trigger lately, is the fact of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel get narrower. As I've been moving along towards that "dream", with frustrations and satisfactions, I've also started to see how those "talents" get away from me at times, and as time goes by I see more and more the possibility that the "talents" will not be there when I go back to look for them. That is my greatest fear, a fear that chases me at nights and doesn't let my mind have a rest during the day.
And so, for a while, I have been thinking, and trying to measure (or evaluate or anyway you might want to call it), does the "dream" is really worth loosing my "talents"? can they even be compared to one another? are they even really conflicting to each other? Maybe the easiest answer to all questions is just plain "no", because I don't know the answer, and I'm scared.
And perhaps, the "talents" may already be lost, but I still hold to the hope, the hope that keeps me strong to follow with my "dreams" while at the same time is a hope that feels more like a fantasy than reality. And I'm still lost, trying to know what will happen, what I want to happen, why I once avoided it to happen.
I really wish there could be an easy answer, an easy exit. I think of options, some are probably not even a real option, others are out of my control, and some I am scared to take the step forward, and so, I'm still lost and scared.
I just wish I could be completely happy.
I've got to that point. For a long time, I didn't feel like I needed things to confront each other. Perhaps, I think now, was the fact that I really didn't think there was something at risk. I had taken those "talents", which I know are very important for me, for granted, and thought that will always be there. But now things are different, and I'm not very sure about all that anymore.
The truth is, that is not a very recent issue, it has been around my head for a while already. As I said, what has become the trigger lately, is the fact of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel get narrower. As I've been moving along towards that "dream", with frustrations and satisfactions, I've also started to see how those "talents" get away from me at times, and as time goes by I see more and more the possibility that the "talents" will not be there when I go back to look for them. That is my greatest fear, a fear that chases me at nights and doesn't let my mind have a rest during the day.
And so, for a while, I have been thinking, and trying to measure (or evaluate or anyway you might want to call it), does the "dream" is really worth loosing my "talents"? can they even be compared to one another? are they even really conflicting to each other? Maybe the easiest answer to all questions is just plain "no", because I don't know the answer, and I'm scared.
And perhaps, the "talents" may already be lost, but I still hold to the hope, the hope that keeps me strong to follow with my "dreams" while at the same time is a hope that feels more like a fantasy than reality. And I'm still lost, trying to know what will happen, what I want to happen, why I once avoided it to happen.
I really wish there could be an easy answer, an easy exit. I think of options, some are probably not even a real option, others are out of my control, and some I am scared to take the step forward, and so, I'm still lost and scared.
I just wish I could be completely happy.
posted by Fernando Sanchez at 10:17 AM
3 comments
