life update...

Last post I made was almost 5 months ago (damn that's a lot). That post was about a rather happy event, my first photo making to explore in flick (I know, pointless, but gives some satisfaction to know that people actually liked my work). Ironically, since then I had a long time when I didn't get to be really happy.

In December, I went home to Ecuador for Christmas and New Years, and although I love being there, I felt strange this time. I guess that after every year that I'm far from home, I can see how each time I fit less and less. I know is normal, I've been making my life here in FSU for almost 3 years now, and people at home have been continuing with their's during this time as well. Three years ago, I chose a different path from the one my life used to have, and now I see how the two get farther apart.

Now, back in the US after the two weeks I spent in Ecuador, I felt for some time that I didn't fit here either. One of the reasons was the fact that most of my friends have been leaving Tallahassee one by one, which is normal for a college town. The other, I guess the fact that I know I'm here just temporarily, and so, don't want to really set roots. A friend told me that I didn't look happy when she saw me, not just because I told her about these things, but she could tell that in me, guess my sadness at the moment was evident.

So for a couple months I spent my days trying to figure out about my life, present, and near future. I was depressed. I spent months thinking about what was going on in my personal life, and my relations in general, family, friends, sentimental, social. Had a lot of things revolving around my head, and then, decided that once again, it was time for me to put a halt to all that in my life, and get back in track. So I've been trying to put those things that affect me in a box, keeping with me only those that are really important.

I think that, step by step, I'm moving out from that depressive state in which a fell. Can't really say that I'm happy with my life the way it is now, but at least I've been working on to be content with it. One way to do it has been photography, although I was already very into it. I guess is a way I can get to see my life from an outsider's point of view, I don't see what is going on inside of me, but rather, what is going on around me. The other, well, school keeps me busy.

I think the photo I attached to this post reflects the situation and the way I feel lately. I'm out with the world, showing as one more in the crowd, but at the same time, individual. I'm out there, but don't interact directly, I just see through the window at the world going around and around. The world can see me, and they may see some of me, but my real thoughts, and feelings I keep them hidden from them. Is a very individual way of living the one I have now, but I really need to understand myself first, while I see the rest, and then I may take off the sunglasses and turn off the headphones, and perhaps then I will be ready to be happy.